Tag Archives: Alternative Healing

What the heck is going on, anyway?

I know. You’re confused. You keep hearing so many different narratives, so many wildly different points of view, and you don’t know who or what to believe. There are people, some of whom may even be called experts, saying the end of the world is nigh, we’re all going to die, from illness or war or food shortages or the Zombie Apocalypse. The Left has become the Right and the Right the Left, or… something. Everything you used to take for granted as Truth has come into question. People you thought you knew have become something unrecognizable to you. Your own views of politics and society have taken some wild turns, and you find yourself rooting for people and ideas you never in a million years would have dreamed you would. Tucker Carlson is… making sense?? Kinda? You suddenly find yourself weeping over truck drivers in Canada. Common sense has become a priceless commodity, and rarer than diamonds, or so it seems. The people in your circle of friends and acquaintances have seemingly become divided into two camps: level-headed but exhausted, and wild-eyed, terrified creatures who repeat back mantras the media has hammered into their heads with unflagging enthusiasm. At least this is how it appears to you. When you meet a like-minded person, the relief is intense: “Thank God! Someone who sees! Someone who won’t start yelling at me for being the problem!” And what the heck is 5-D anyway? Are we going there? Is it here already? Do we actually want to be living in it? Are there brownies in 5-D? What about sex? Can we have sex in 5-D? Can we have wine? Do we have to be vegan? Hold on a minute! Maybe 3-D isn’t so bad! Can I just stay here? I mean… there’s stuff about 3-D I really like! What’s 5-D got that’s so great? Besides Unconditional Love and Good Vibes, that is.

And… I don’t have the answers for you. Sorry. I’ve been overwhelmed by it all at times too. What I do know is that we can’t go back to the way things were. That’s just not happening, so let it go and accept it. Forget “going back to normal life,” because it’s not ever going to be “normal” again, and, honestly, if you know anything about 3-D, you know there was nothing normal about it in the first place. It was a whole lot of abnormal convincing us it was normal. You know this, come on. They even made a blockbuster movie about it in the 1990’s.

So what can you do to stay sane and happy and live your best life as the old world is crumbling down around us? OK, that I can help you with.

#1: Go within. Disconnect from the noise around you and connect with your Inner Voice. Sit with it and listen. If it feels joyful and peaceful, then you know you’re hearing it and not your Negative Ego. If you feel fearful or anxious, then you know you’re hearing your old programs and beliefs, and you can say “no” to them. Your Inner Knowing is your most powerful tool, if you use it.

#2: Stop worrying about the hows, the whens, the wheres. Those are 3-D concepts and concerns. For example, you feel deep inside that you need to quit your job and move to another place, and just the thought of it feels joyful and aligned for you, but then your 3-D ego-mind starts in with the “Well, how is that going to happen? How are you going to live? You need money to live, and that job at least is paying you,” and won’t shut up. It will go on and on and on unless you take control of it and tell it to stop.

#3: Clear your energy field regularly and thoroughly. There are many ways to do this. Many of the negative thoughts and worries you have may actually not even be yours but projections from others, as well as negative attachments or implants. I can remove these for you and teach you how to keep yourself clean and clear, so reach out to me if you’d like my support. Clearing your energy can literally change your life.

#4: Surrender and Trust. Once you’ve committed to aligning your life with your Soul and Source, and making decisions from that space only, you cannot go wrong unless you let your Negative Ego take over again. So surrender to Spirit and trust that, by living an aligned life, Spirit has got your back. This may mean doing things that are not logical or that your loved ones don’t understand, and you should be prepared for resistance. But by staying centered and standing in the truth of your authentic sovereign self, not letting the “noise” sway you off your center, you can weather anything that comes at you. It’s like surfing a wave.

#5: Stay as neutral and out of judgement as possible. This one can be the toughest, because we’re right damn it and “they” are wrong! Try to stay out of the “right and wrong” dichotomy. Do your best to not put yourself and those who think the way you do as higher, better, more advanced, more enlightened, than those who are at a different point in their spiritual evolution. We are all where we should be. It all works together, in the end, to bring us where we will ultimately go, and it’s all perfect. You’ll also be amazed at how much better you’ll feel by staying out of that polarization, because all that does is make you aggravated and exasperated about the way others think, something you cannot control. It’s not your job to make anyone see things the way you see them. Maybe they never will see things the way you do. Be OK with that.

#6: Speak Your Truth. You don’t need to shout it. In fact, you shouldn’t. Just calmly and from your Center be unapologetically authentic. Don’t be afraid of what others will think. Don’t speak to start an argument, but simply to express your truth in a non-confrontational way. If it triggers someone, just say “OK,” and let it go. You may be surprised at how many actually are relieved to hear you say what you say. I’ve experienced that time and again. But the key is to always say it from a place of Centeredness and calm, without ego. It’s just your truth. You’re just showing up authentically without expectations or attachments to the outcome.

We may not know what’s going on, or where this journey is leading us, or how it will unfold, but we can make the most of it and enjoy it. We’re not here to suffer, but to learn and grow. So, have fun. Laugh. A lot.

© Copyright 2022 Anna Pavlakis

Dark Moon


I’m 53 years old. I have been “officially” in my Crone time, my menopause, since August of 2017, a year after my last period. I have come to embrace this time of power and inner understanding, and to love it. I had felt some sadness at saying goodbye to the part of myself that my periods had represented to me: my fertility, my inner juiciness, and an important aspect of my sexuality. I felt that I wouldn’t be as sexual, somehow. That idea left pretty quickly, as I realized it just wasn’t true; I was as sexual as ever, but in a more embodied and empowered way.

Last night was the New, or Dark, Moon. I felt the need all weekend to go inward, to stay home and be solitary, to sleep, to cook delicious food, to meditate, to channel, and to just BE. Later on in the evening, I facilitated a journey with a soul sister also on the Shamanic path, also in her Crone time.

About that word “Crone.”  Among those who are not interested in continuing the patriarchal systems of the planet’s more recent history was Mary Daly (1928- 2010). She spoke admiringly of Crones in  Gyn/Ecology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism:

 “Crones can well be suspicious of dictionaries which, in listing possible etymologies for crone, suggest that it is ‘derived from a term meaning carrion. The OED discusses this possibility, but also suggests that crone is probably from carogne, meaning ‘a cantankerous or mischievous woman.’ This meaning seems somewhat appropriate. It is noteworthy that Merriam-Webster gives as the etymology of crone the Greek cronos, meaning long-lasting, which in turn is from chronos, meaning time. It would seem eminently logical to think that crone is rooted in the word for ‘long-lasting,’ for this is what Crones are.”

I am Crone. Hear me cackle.

So, imagine my surprise when, after doing a very powerful New Moon meditation and journey, in which we tapped into our magical abilities to manifest whatever we want, hours later I got my period. I just stood there in surprise, not sure what to think or do, much like I felt when I had my first period at age 11.

I did a Sabian Symbol Oracle reading for myself regarding what this means, and burst out laughing at the symbol I got: Aquarius 27: An Ancient Pottery Bowl Filled With Violets. That about sums it up, doesn’t it?

Today I went out and bought myself some pads (after recently giving away the last ones I had), and understood why lately I have been losing my patience and craving chocolate cake.

The moral of this story is that we are magical beings who can experience renewal and new growth at any time. There are no limits for us except those we believe in. We are, in truth, limitless beings, capable of so much more than we think. I know this period is a small thing, and that many women experience it after menopause, but to me it’s enough to remind me of my magic.



Being “on the Spiritual Path,” we are told repeatedly to focus on Love and Light.  There is nothing wrong with this, per se, as the truth is that we are Love, we are Light, we are Source.  We are One with All that Is.  For people like me, this is simply the truth and what we hold on to.  So, what happens when you go through an extremely difficult and traumatic experience?  What happens when, despite having been diligently doing the work, monitoring your thoughts, focusing on the positive, feeling appreciative for all the good in your life, everything goes to hell?  What happens when you feel cheated, lied to, betrayed by the one thing that was a fundamental part of who you are: your spirituality?

It’s not that you really believe you have been cheated and lied to; you know better.  You know that this is your Ego, or your Negative Ego, asserting itself. You know that these are ancient programs that are being activated, and that quite possibly you intentionally activated them in order to facilitate a spiritual crisis, which would lead to soul growth and development.  You trust, deep down, that this is part of your Soul’s Plan, and that you will emerge from the darkness stronger and better and wiser.

But this doesn’t stop your darkness from emerging and making itself known loud and clear.  This darkness that you thought you had eradicated, or risen above, transcended… comes back in full force, mocking you.  You thought you had gotten rid of me?  Silly fool, it whispers to you.

Many healers, shamans, and other people who devote their lives to Spirit experience at some point a spiritual crisis, perhaps more than once.  This often comes after a period of intense spiritual growth. It’s as though we put a check on ourselves, that we can only advance to a certain degree, and then have to put the brakes on.  I  don’t know if this is due to self-sabotaging programs in our subconscious minds, an implant that was put into us to prevent our spiritual growth, or simply a need to re-calibrate and adjust to the new frequency.  I suspect in most cases it’s a combination.

In my case, since my spiritual crisis last year, I have experienced depression, despair, a resurgence of negative thoughts after years and years without them, jealousy, pettiness, resentment, anger, and other assorted unpleasantness.  It’s not all at once, and it’s not constant.  Most of the time I feel appreciation, peace, joy, even bliss, as well as a deep empathy and compassion for people.  I am more patient.  I am more centered.  I am more present.  I know this progress is the result of years of very hard work, and a shorter period last year of intense and rapid growth.  So I find it very disconcerting to have these moments of darkness suddenly rear their heads, Hydra-like, and to be staring full on at my monstrous Shadow.  I don’t like it.  I feel guilty and that I should be beyond this… I feel shame.  But then it occurs to me that these responses are part of my spiritual growth as well, and that the big lesson here for me is to learn to love ALL of my parts, unconditionally.  Those of us Wounded Healers who are so hard on ourselves must learn, ultimately, to have unconditional love and compassion for every single aspect of ourselves.  To love ourselves as a whole.  To understand that within each human there is and will always be a shadow side, and to stop ignoring it, pretending it isn’t there, or believing we have somehow transcended it.

This is not “embracing the darkness.”  I have a problem with that phrase. It feels off, and an easy way out of an uncomfortable and very complex state, and I don’t trust people who tell me to “embrace my darkness.”  To be blunt, the energy of that phrase feels Satanic to me. I’m sure many people will disagree with me, and that is their right.  This is simply my truth.  I’m not going to embrace, mate with, or become a Lover of my Darkness.  What I will do is look at it, listen to it, try to learn from it with as much love, compassion and neutrality as I can, and appreciate it for its role in my soul’s evolution.  It can be my greatest teacher, I think.

One of the things I do best is space clearing. I am expert in clearing negative energies out of spaces, and have done this is some situations where it was actually quite dangerous for me to go in.  What I started to realize is that it is actually quite easy for me to do this, and, I find it to be, believe it or not, a very joyful process.  During a space clearing, I simply go into a state that feels very natural to me, and that is a state of unconditional love towards the space and everything and everyone in it.  I get out of the duality and into a state of Oneness, perceiving everything to be simply different manifestations of Source, and therefore perfect.  So, negative entities are perfect.  Ghosts are perfect. Negative energetic residue from traumatic experiences in the space or on the land are perfect.  And because I am in that state of unconditional love and neutrality, the work is done quickly, joyfully, and with relative ease.  I realize that any resistance I experience during a clearing is usually something in myself that it’s vibrating with, some frequency that I am emitting, and so I love those aspects of myself unconditionally, and then notice how it all clears rapidly, now that I have understood what was causing the resistance.

Doing this for others, however, is much easier for people like me than doing it for myself.  What I realize now is that I have to apply the same principles I use when confronted with darkness in a space clearing to my own darkness, my Shadow.  I have to do this for myself out of unconditional love and compassion for myself.  No one can do this for me.  I can’t lie on a table and have someone work on me.  This is my own work, and perhaps the greatest, most difficult work of all.

Anna Pavlakis – Seville, Spain, May 24, 2017



Bird People


We are the ones

Who travel between worlds:

Carriers of messages,

Winged alchemy.

Seeing us, you see us not.

Then, from the corner of your eye,

You catch a glimpse

Of shimmering soft plumage

Sharp eyes, sharper beaks,

Talons poised to take

Their prey: your wishes, hopes and dreams

And bring them into the realm of possibility.

Who are we?  We are silent.  Let us go free.

Cage us not, for the construct of Man’s Ego

Is not our Home.

Eagle Dance

Eagle Dance

Gliding on silent silken roads of air

You soar,

Ascending towards the sun,

Golden Home of Light,

Where you greet Helios and Vesta,

Communing for a while,

Before returning in graceful majesty

To the tree-tops and cliffs

Where you dwell amidst men

Who have taken so much from you.

Oh snowy-headed skywalker,

Connecting Heaven and Earth,

Teach me how to walk in both worlds

To achieve that which seems impossible,

And to soar to heights never dreamed of.


Power.  What feelings does that word evoke in you?  Think about that for a moment.  Is it something positive, negative, or neutral?  Does it frighten you?  Excite you?  Do you want it?  And if so, what is it about it that makes you want it?  Do you say you don’t want it but secretly covet it?

People have died for the acquisition of it.  Have murdered for the acquisition of it.  Have sold their souls for it.  How many wars have been started simply because someone wanted power, or had it and wanted to keep it?  All of them?

For those who consider themselves on the spiritual path, this word and concept is particularly complex and full of pitfalls.  On the one hand, there’s the concept of being in one’s personal power, in which you claim sovereignty over yourself, your soul, your energy, and without which, you can find yourself unable to achieve your goals, or constantly under attack.  On the other, there’s the trap of the guru, the spiritual teacher, who either outright demands his students/disciples give up their personal power to him, living their lives through him and for him, not making any decisions for themselves, or, on a more subtle level, says all the right words about how important it is NOT to do that, yet feels threatened by any student who asserts his or her own, maintaining that teacher-student dynamic and hierarchy and not allowing the student to do what the goal of teaching should be: become a teacher.  .

Recently, I was coming into contact with this theme a lot, hence, my need to write about it.  I was in a state where, on the surface, I had little power.  What I noticed was that I was  encountering people, good people, who felt in some way they were out of control of their lives, or victims, or downtrodden, or who had allowed themselves to be used by their loved ones. These were people who were givers by nature, but who had been giving without being in their personal power, and therefore without boundaries.  Those who had been feeding off this giving had been given the role of the one with power, whether this role wass given from love, from the woundedness of the giver, or from a martyr complex.  There are so many who have been taught they need to please people, or be a “good person,” or who grew up without the unconditional love and acceptance that are so important in the formation of the psyche of a child.  So, I think what happens is that the desire to give then comes, not from the heart or from a space of alignment and abundance and unconditional love, but from a wound.

What happens next is that this person with all good intentions feels burdened, taken advantage of, and starts to embrace the negative aspects of the Martyr archetype.  This is extremely common among mothers, but not limited to them, not by a long shot.  Then, the feeling of loss of control and loss of power becomes unbearable, and they begin to take measures to get it back, so they find someone whom they perceive to have even less power than they do, and they begin to assert their power over that person.  It’s an act of substitution: find someone who can be the surrogate for the one or ones you have given your power away to, and find a way to exert your power over him.

In my personal experience, this has happened more than once, which tells me it’s something I must look at in myself.  In one recent experience, a person who had made an offer to me and an agreement decided to revoke it at the last minute, resulting in chaos in my life, as the plans I had thought were set fell through, and I was left scrambling at the last minute to find an alternative.  I knew, on an intuitive level, that this action was coming from an old wound in her, and that I had sort of set myself up to be the scapegoat.  She had been feeling very out of control and stressed about her life, and then, meeting me, perceived that I was in a position of even less power, and made an offer, which she then withdrew.  She had the satisfaction of feeling she had exerted control over some aspect of her life, while not addressing the actual root cause of why she was out of control of her life, which is what I could have helped her figure out if she hadn’t revoked the agreement; I believe that on some subconscious level she wasn’t ready to “go there,” and so took this way out.  I understand this, and have compassion for it, though it doesn’t make it healthy behavior. I have also been on the other end of this.  I have been in a situation in which I was doing a “good deed” for a friend, which should have come from a place of unconditional love and generosity, and which I hoped was, but, in truth, didn’t really turn out to be that way.  I knew I was the one in power, and, in subtle ways, I made sure she knew it.  I wanted to give without strings attached, but was finding myself feeling taken advantage of, and so took opportunities to assert my power, and let the person know I was the one who had it.  I was somewhat aware of it at the time, but after having some time to reflect more deeply on it, I am much more aware of what was going on in our dynamic.

On a more spiritual level, I have learned over the years that I have a fear of my own power on some level.  I am aware that I am extremely powerful, powerful enough that I can be very intimidating so some, when I show it.  I have had large, initially threatening, probably crazy men in the rougher spots of NYC back away from me with their hands up when I let it out.  I’m less than 5 feet tall. I have also had too many experiences of spiritual teachers trying to cut me down because they felt threatened by my power in some way.  My self-doubt was usually their way in, as there was still a part of me that didn’t believe in myself and thought I was a fraud or not good enough.  What I have been trying to do, though not always that successfully, is to be solid in my personal power, in a neutral way, and without fear of it.  Where does this fear come from?  Why are so many afraid of their power?  I believe that this originates for many or most of us from past lives, in which we were beings with great power, and it got us killed or tortured for having it, or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, was power we abused, causing suffering for many.  I know I have both in my Soul’s history, many, many times over.  The result of my soul-searching has been essentially doing a fine dance with power, to get to that point where it comes not at all from ego and woundedness, but only from a strong sense of Self and wholeness.  Am I there yet?  No.  I’m not going to lie.  However, I think I’m getting closer, and learning more about myself.

I see what is happening in the United States now, with a president- elect with such a blatant greed for power over others that it’s almost cartoonish in its extremity.  However, it’s not a cartoon, it’s not funny, and he has made many suffer in his lust for power over them.  His former opponent also lusts for power, in a more covert but no less extreme way.

We need to start looking at what power really means, for ourselves, our countries, and our world. We need to start looking at who’s in control and has the power and really ask ourselves if they deserve this power and why we have given it to them.  We choose to give power to people.  Without our agreement on some level, the person has no power.  We can choose to take back our power and let those who are abusing it know that we will no longer accept their abuse of it.  We can fire them.