Tag Archives: Energy Healing

Dark Moon


I’m 53 years old. I have been “officially” in my Crone time, my menopause, since August of 2017, a year after my last period. I have come to embrace this time of power and inner understanding, and to love it. I had felt some sadness at saying goodbye to the part of myself that my periods had represented to me: my fertility, my inner juiciness, and an important aspect of my sexuality. I felt that I wouldn’t be as sexual, somehow. That idea left pretty quickly, as I realized it just wasn’t true; I was as sexual as ever, but in a more embodied and empowered way.

Last night was the New, or Dark, Moon. I felt the need all weekend to go inward, to stay home and be solitary, to sleep, to cook delicious food, to meditate, to channel, and to just BE. Later on in the evening, I facilitated a journey with a soul sister also on the Shamanic path, also in her Crone time.

About that word “Crone.”  Among those who are not interested in continuing the patriarchal systems of the planet’s more recent history was Mary Daly (1928- 2010). She spoke admiringly of Crones in  Gyn/Ecology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism:

 “Crones can well be suspicious of dictionaries which, in listing possible etymologies for crone, suggest that it is ‘derived from a term meaning carrion. The OED discusses this possibility, but also suggests that crone is probably from carogne, meaning ‘a cantankerous or mischievous woman.’ This meaning seems somewhat appropriate. It is noteworthy that Merriam-Webster gives as the etymology of crone the Greek cronos, meaning long-lasting, which in turn is from chronos, meaning time. It would seem eminently logical to think that crone is rooted in the word for ‘long-lasting,’ for this is what Crones are.”

I am Crone. Hear me cackle.

So, imagine my surprise when, after doing a very powerful New Moon meditation and journey, in which we tapped into our magical abilities to manifest whatever we want, hours later I got my period. I just stood there in surprise, not sure what to think or do, much like I felt when I had my first period at age 11.

I did a Sabian Symbol Oracle reading for myself regarding what this means, and burst out laughing at the symbol I got: Aquarius 27: An Ancient Pottery Bowl Filled With Violets. That about sums it up, doesn’t it?

Today I went out and bought myself some pads (after recently giving away the last ones I had), and understood why lately I have been losing my patience and craving chocolate cake.

The moral of this story is that we are magical beings who can experience renewal and new growth at any time. There are no limits for us except those we believe in. We are, in truth, limitless beings, capable of so much more than we think. I know this period is a small thing, and that many women experience it after menopause, but to me it’s enough to remind me of my magic.

Eagle Dance

Eagle Dance

Gliding on silent silken roads of air

You soar,

Ascending towards the sun,

Golden Home of Light,

Where you greet Helios and Vesta,

Communing for a while,

Before returning in graceful majesty

To the tree-tops and cliffs

Where you dwell amidst men

Who have taken so much from you.

Oh snowy-headed skywalker,

Connecting Heaven and Earth,

Teach me how to walk in both worlds

To achieve that which seems impossible,

And to soar to heights never dreamed of.


Power.  What feelings does that word evoke in you?  Think about that for a moment.  Is it something positive, negative, or neutral?  Does it frighten you?  Excite you?  Do you want it?  And if so, what is it about it that makes you want it?  Do you say you don’t want it but secretly covet it?

People have died for the acquisition of it.  Have murdered for the acquisition of it.  Have sold their souls for it.  How many wars have been started simply because someone wanted power, or had it and wanted to keep it?  All of them?

For those who consider themselves on the spiritual path, this word and concept is particularly complex and full of pitfalls.  On the one hand, there’s the concept of being in one’s personal power, in which you claim sovereignty over yourself, your soul, your energy, and without which, you can find yourself unable to achieve your goals, or constantly under attack.  On the other, there’s the trap of the guru, the spiritual teacher, who either outright demands his students/disciples give up their personal power to him, living their lives through him and for him, not making any decisions for themselves, or, on a more subtle level, says all the right words about how important it is NOT to do that, yet feels threatened by any student who asserts his or her own, maintaining that teacher-student dynamic and hierarchy and not allowing the student to do what the goal of teaching should be: become a teacher.  .

Recently, I was coming into contact with this theme a lot, hence, my need to write about it.  I was in a state where, on the surface, I had little power.  What I noticed was that I was  encountering people, good people, who felt in some way they were out of control of their lives, or victims, or downtrodden, or who had allowed themselves to be used by their loved ones. These were people who were givers by nature, but who had been giving without being in their personal power, and therefore without boundaries.  Those who had been feeding off this giving had been given the role of the one with power, whether this role wass given from love, from the woundedness of the giver, or from a martyr complex.  There are so many who have been taught they need to please people, or be a “good person,” or who grew up without the unconditional love and acceptance that are so important in the formation of the psyche of a child.  So, I think what happens is that the desire to give then comes, not from the heart or from a space of alignment and abundance and unconditional love, but from a wound.

What happens next is that this person with all good intentions feels burdened, taken advantage of, and starts to embrace the negative aspects of the Martyr archetype.  This is extremely common among mothers, but not limited to them, not by a long shot.  Then, the feeling of loss of control and loss of power becomes unbearable, and they begin to take measures to get it back, so they find someone whom they perceive to have even less power than they do, and they begin to assert their power over that person.  It’s an act of substitution: find someone who can be the surrogate for the one or ones you have given your power away to, and find a way to exert your power over him.

In my personal experience, this has happened more than once, which tells me it’s something I must look at in myself.  In one recent experience, a person who had made an offer to me and an agreement decided to revoke it at the last minute, resulting in chaos in my life, as the plans I had thought were set fell through, and I was left scrambling at the last minute to find an alternative.  I knew, on an intuitive level, that this action was coming from an old wound in her, and that I had sort of set myself up to be the scapegoat.  She had been feeling very out of control and stressed about her life, and then, meeting me, perceived that I was in a position of even less power, and made an offer, which she then withdrew.  She had the satisfaction of feeling she had exerted control over some aspect of her life, while not addressing the actual root cause of why she was out of control of her life, which is what I could have helped her figure out if she hadn’t revoked the agreement; I believe that on some subconscious level she wasn’t ready to “go there,” and so took this way out.  I understand this, and have compassion for it, though it doesn’t make it healthy behavior. I have also been on the other end of this.  I have been in a situation in which I was doing a “good deed” for a friend, which should have come from a place of unconditional love and generosity, and which I hoped was, but, in truth, didn’t really turn out to be that way.  I knew I was the one in power, and, in subtle ways, I made sure she knew it.  I wanted to give without strings attached, but was finding myself feeling taken advantage of, and so took opportunities to assert my power, and let the person know I was the one who had it.  I was somewhat aware of it at the time, but after having some time to reflect more deeply on it, I am much more aware of what was going on in our dynamic.

On a more spiritual level, I have learned over the years that I have a fear of my own power on some level.  I am aware that I am extremely powerful, powerful enough that I can be very intimidating so some, when I show it.  I have had large, initially threatening, probably crazy men in the rougher spots of NYC back away from me with their hands up when I let it out.  I’m less than 5 feet tall. I have also had too many experiences of spiritual teachers trying to cut me down because they felt threatened by my power in some way.  My self-doubt was usually their way in, as there was still a part of me that didn’t believe in myself and thought I was a fraud or not good enough.  What I have been trying to do, though not always that successfully, is to be solid in my personal power, in a neutral way, and without fear of it.  Where does this fear come from?  Why are so many afraid of their power?  I believe that this originates for many or most of us from past lives, in which we were beings with great power, and it got us killed or tortured for having it, or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, was power we abused, causing suffering for many.  I know I have both in my Soul’s history, many, many times over.  The result of my soul-searching has been essentially doing a fine dance with power, to get to that point where it comes not at all from ego and woundedness, but only from a strong sense of Self and wholeness.  Am I there yet?  No.  I’m not going to lie.  However, I think I’m getting closer, and learning more about myself.

I see what is happening in the United States now, with a president- elect with such a blatant greed for power over others that it’s almost cartoonish in its extremity.  However, it’s not a cartoon, it’s not funny, and he has made many suffer in his lust for power over them.  His former opponent also lusts for power, in a more covert but no less extreme way.

We need to start looking at what power really means, for ourselves, our countries, and our world. We need to start looking at who’s in control and has the power and really ask ourselves if they deserve this power and why we have given it to them.  We choose to give power to people.  Without our agreement on some level, the person has no power.  We can choose to take back our power and let those who are abusing it know that we will no longer accept their abuse of it.  We can fire them.